Bizarre Gift Exchange
by shathereal
Summary: After Gourry leaves her for Sylphiel, Lina Inverse finds herself in Seyruun without much purpose until she becomes the recipient of mysterious gifts. Once she figures out who the gifts are from, a wacky game of ridiculous gift-giving ensues. Written for 2015 Slayers Santa.
1. Chapter 1

It was the oddest gift Lina Inverse had ever received.

 _It_ being a gaudy, giant, gold octopus. An octopus statue, of all things. The tentacles wound and looped around each other as the octopus' ruby eyes gleamed in the light cascading through the large windows of Seyruun's Royal Palace.

"What am I going to do with an octopus statue?!" Lina wondered out loud, standing with one hand on her hip while running her fingers of the other along the carefully carved suckers. It was a perplexing, strange gift.

Little did Lina know, the octopus statue was only the beginning.

"Hi, Lina," Amelia said, pushing open the door to Lina's private quarters, "it seems you have another present."

In Amelia's hands, there lay an egg-an unusually large egg with teal, brown, and red flecks dotting the ivory surface. Just as had been done for the golden octopus, a neat red ribbon was tied around the egg with a tag simply stating "For Lina."

Lina's jaw dropped-it was a dragon's egg. She took it from Amelia's hands reverently and sat back on the couch where she had been alternating between dozing and reading spell books.

"Oh my gosh," she gasped, "Can you believe it, Amelia? A dragon's egg!"

"Who do you think these presents are coming from?" Amelia asked with a slight frown, concern lining her face. Lina observed that four years as the ruling monarch of Seyruun aged her friend considerably.

"No idea." Lina shrugged. She sighed happily, admiring the gorgeous egg in her hands. If she held it just so, the teal appeared brighter. But despite the beautiful shell, Lina salivated at the very idea of finally dining on dragon's egg, a delicacy even more hard to find than meat.

"Do you think it's...Gourry?" Amelia gently asked, placing her hand on her friend's arm, "He could be trying to apologize, you know."

Lina raised her eyebrows and shook her head. Amelia sighed and pulled her arm back to her side.

"Oh c'mon, Amelia," Lina said, rolling her eyes at the very idea, "Do you really think Gourry would know how to find a dragon's egg? He couldn't even discreetly inquire about Filia's tail."

"I suppose you're right," Amelia said, trying to hide the catch in her voice, "It's just...it's just I hate how everything turned out." Lina did too, but she was done thinking about it, done expending her emotional energy on someone who betrayed her. She's Lina Inverse, damnit.

"Look," Lina responded, "I'm over it. Let him live his happy-go-lucky life with Sylphiel. In the meantime, would one of your kitchen staff be able to cook something up for me with this egg?"

"Yes, I think Chef Roland is familiar with dragon cuisine, but he's already turned in for today. You should ask him in the morning." Amelia said and shifted so that she was facing Lina directly, "in the meantime, have you thought about my offer?"

Lina bit her lip, looking up from the egg.

"Well…" she paused, "It's not that I don't want to be Leader of the Guard, it's just I don't know how long I intend to stay in Seyruun. you know?"

Amelia sighed. She was used to Lina's excuses.

"Just please give us an answer soon," Amelia said with resignation in her voice as she rose from the couch, "Enjoy your gift."

And with that, the Queen exited her friend's quarters. Lina leaned back onto the couch and admired the egg.

Whoever this person was, they sure knew how to make up for such a bizarre first gift.

It was after the arrival of the third present when Lina became reasonably sure who was leaving them.

Said third present was a necklace with a gigantic green pendant. A deep and ancient magic hummed inside the jewel, warming Lina's fingers as she cradled it. She was reclined on her couch and enjoying the comfort of the soft down pillows holding her up.

Her presents were always left in the hall outside the quarters Amelia assigned to her. The space was actually quite generous-a living room, a dining area, a bedroom, washroom, and a balcony overlooking the palace gardens- despite Lina being accustomed to living with far less space, having spent her formative years bouncing from inn and inn.

Lina yawned and stretched her arms overhead, leaving the necklace in her lap. It was not a secret that it bothered Amelia that no one could figure out how the presents were getting inside the palace; however, the inability of the Queen and her guards to catch the offender made Lina more certain of the benefactor's identity. She was surprised that Amelia didn't figure it out but blamed regal duties for her obliviousness.

That was probably for the better, Lina supposed as she fingered the shining gemstone, since Her Majesty Queen Amelia Wil Tesla Al Graywords Seyruun would not be pleased if she realized a Monster was sneaking into the Royal Palace on her watch.

Previously, the very idea of a Monster in the palace itself would have been unheard of. But it was the brutal, gory assassination of King Philionel, only a mere 6 months after his ascension, that lead to Amelia, the newly crowned Queen, to permit the controlled use of black magic within the city and even inside palace walls when absolutely necessary-although the Queen was always quick to remind Lina about the qualifiers _controlled_ and _necessary_.

With no one ever seeing someone enter the palace with any of her gifts in hand, Lina deduced that the unknown benefactor must be someone who could phase in and out of the Astral Plane. Someone who knew her too, and if Lina had to be honest with herself, she didn't have very many friends. And when the number of entities who traveled via Astral Plane with whom she was quasi-friendly was singular, that left one answer: Xellos.

Lina sighed.

Why Xellos would be bequeathing her with present after present was unknown to Lina (and like he'd explain why anyway). But if this mysterious gift-giver really were Xellos, Lina couldn't deny that she was intrigued. Trying to figure out her life post-Gourry's abandonment had led to a pleasant but dull life in Seyruun. Restless couldn't even begin to describe her feelings. With Xellos, there was always something afoot. Something to _fight_ , most likely, but she figured at the very least, she wouldn't be bored.

And then an idea occurred to her: maybe she should get him a present, too? Granted, if it really were Xellos, there was most likely a calculated reason for his inexplicable generosity, but would he expect her to give him something in return? Something better than his gifts?

She smiled impishly to herself. The answer was probably not.

Lina stared at the mosaic-tiled ceiling and wondered just what would you get a being who has existed for over 1,000 years. Do they even have homes? Granted, Lina knew officially, Beastmaster resided on Wolfpack Island, but the idea of Xellos and his lord puttering around the house like normal "people" made her chuckle. What exactly does Xellos like, anyway?

"That is a secret!" she muttered to herself, mimicking his sing-songy tone of voice. Getting up off the couch, Lina pulled the necklace over her head and admired herself in the mirror. The gold chain was wound like a rope and strong, strong enough to easily hold the large gem that hung neatly between her breasts. She swelled with satisfaction at how good the necklace looked against her small frame.

Regardless of whoever this benefactor was, she mused, they could keep on sending her presents as much as they liked.


	2. Chapter 2

Lina had a hard time making decisions these days. She still hadn't decided on what to give Xellos, if it was even Xellos.

"Have you made up your mind on whether or not to accept Amelia's offer?" Zelgadis asked Lina one day after dinner; he drinking coffee, she finishing dessert.

The sorceress frowned over her chocolate cake and hastily took a bite. This again.

"Really, Lina," Zelgadis huffed as he rolled his eyes and took a sip of coffee.

"Eh," she shrugged with a mouthful of cake, "Still thinking about it."

Zelgadis looked at her pointedly over his ridiculous coffee mug-Lina thought the Seyruun family crest was excessively ornate for Zelgadis' tastes, but Amelia insisted that he have a "Royal Mug" too.

"You've been thinking about it for 3 months now!" he snapped, "Amelia would certainly appreciate an answer."

Lina glared at him. Zelgadis had become much bossier since assuming the role of King Consort.

"I'm. still. thinking. about. it." She said tersely before inhaling another bite of chocolate cake. He sighed and took a long sip of his coffee. They sat in silence, both pretending to enjoy their vices. The sound of her fork hitting the plate all of a sudden sounded too loud.

"Hey, Zel," she said after swallowing a bite, "Where in Seyruun City is the best place to get gifts?"

"Why? Don't you have enough already?" he feigned sounding pleasant. Her gifts were still a sore topic due to their enigmatic origin.

"Weee-llll," Lina stalled, knowing fully well that Zelgadis was the absolute last person to bounce her Xellos theory off of, "It's just that I figured I should get this person something in return, right?"

Zelgadis raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, I don't know," he commented, "Something seems off about mysterious presents, don't you think? It could be someone trying to get to Amelia through you."

Lina kept herself from rolling her eyes in front of her friend. Zelgadis and Amelia were always on guard these days. She sighed and set her fork down.

"I suppose you're right. Nevermind then," she responded, "I'm going to bed now. G'night." She was not terribly concerned that she could barely hide the annoyance in her tone. With a flourish, she rose from the table and exited the dining room as a couple of guards scurried to get out of her way.

"Good night," the King Consort said with exasperation, taking another sip of coffee.

Lina decided that Zelgadis was just flat-out wrong and spent the next few days scouring the markets of Seyruun City for the perfect response.

She had to find something really damn good to top the gifts that had been left for her. It was after a couple hours of wandering the market that she saw the perfect item: a jade-colored stoneware cooking pot. With it, came a book called "300 Easy Stews." She picked the pot up, carefully checking it for imperfections. It was unnecessarily ornate-the handles were the color of tigers eye with purple and blue jewels dotting the edges.

Lina grinned. It was _perfect_.

After some haggling and insistence that she was a special guest of the Queen's, the pot was now Lina's to give. For once, she felt a little guilty putting it on Amelia's tab, so to speak, but things were different while she was laying low in Seyruun City. It's not easy to make money when you're spending your days reading spell books instead of looting bandits and running the occasional odd job for someone with a vendetta, after all.

When she arrived back at the palace, Lina promptly went to her quarters and grabbed a scrap of paper and hastily wrote a note:

 _I hope you can use this to make a proper stew, especially if others' lives depend on it again. -L_

With a satisfied smirk, she set the gift outside the door.

The next morning, Lina padded out of her room, enjoying the feel of the lush carpet against the soles of her slippers, to see that the cooking pot complete with the how-to guide were gone.

And in its place, a whip. One with an ivory handle encrusted in sapphires and emeralds. She picked it up carefully, running her fingers across the supple, smooth leather thong.

She raised her eyebrows, overturning this gorgeous craftwork in her hands. The tag on the handle now read:

 _I knew you're a clever woman, but you are indeed too clever._

Lina's face split in a wide smile.

Game _on_ , Xellos.

Rylund didn't quite understand why Her Majesty insisted on he keep watch over her friend's quarters. From what he knew of the famed sorceress, she did not need anyone, let alone him, to fight her battles.

He sighed. It had been at least 4 hours since he posted up outside the sorceress' quarters. He paced back and forth down the hallway just to pass the time.

A shadow crossed the corner of his eye, and Rylund turned suddenly, ready for attack. He wasn't going to disappoint Queen Amelia.

A man who the young guard did not recognize was holding an excessively large bright pink scarf in his hands. Rylund had a bad feeling about this fellow even though he couldn't put his finger exactly as to why.

"What do you think?" Rylund stepped back, startled by the man's casual question. The man had wrapped the scarf around his neck and grinned broadly-on some, such a smile would look genuine; however, Rylund noted that the stranger's wide smile was disconcerting and a little creepy. "Well?"

"By command of Her Majesty Queen Amelia, there are to be no unaccounted visitors in the palace!" Rylund ordered, choosing to ignore the question. (It did look comfortable, though, despite the garish color.)

The man stepped toward Rylund, the light overhead catching his purple hair and dark cloak. The bad feeling he had now turned to dread-something was decidedly off about this stranger.

"What Queen Amelia," the man responded in a tone that was more amused than reverent, "doesn't know, won't hurt her."

Suddenly, everything went dark.

Rylund wasn't sure exactly what happened, but the next thing he knew, he was laying on the floor, his head was absolutely pounding, and he was being shaken awake by the sorceress herself.

"Hey!" She cried, "C'mon! Wake up!" Rylund groaned as he opened his eyes and looked up at the bedroom robe'd sorceress. His head hurt, his legs were inexplicably sore, and he really just wanted his shift to be over with.

"So did he take the scarf?" she demanded, hands dropping to her side. Rylund sat up, which resulted in an unpleasant wave of dizziness. The room spun as Rylund tried to focus on the small but towering sorceress over him and a godawfully ugly dog statue beside the sorceress' feet.

"Y-yes," he stammered. "H-he was wearing it, I think."

The sorceress smiled. It was the first time Rylund had seen what appeared to be a genuine smile since her arrival.

"Look, Roland," she said, smile turning to a frown and her taking a stern tone, "Do you remember what the man with the scarf looked liked?"

"Ah, " Rylund paused, deciding against correcting her for calling him by his brother's name, "He had a long cloak, p-purple hair, a-and... a weird s-smile."

He couldn't quite read her expression-it was if she were both pleased and exasperated. Leaning down, she took him by his shoulders and squared her face to his. Rylund did not welcome the proximity. He suddenly could see why many were terrified of the Queen's guest.

"Ok, Roland," the sorceress commanded, "If you give that description to Amelia and Zel, I will personally see to it that you are on the receiving end of 10 Dragon Slaves."

Rylund blanched. She tightened her grip on his already sore shoulders.

"Am I making myself clear?" she said in a low, firm voice, "No one was here tonight."

The young guard nodded. She let go, picked up the horrid statue, and before Rylund knew it, the lock of her door clicked in place.

Maybe he should've taken the job in the palace kitchen after all.


	3. Chapter 3

As the days grew shorter and colder, the back and forth of gift-giving continued. It had become a competition, of sorts. It was not necessarily who could give the best gift, it was moreso who could give the most bizarre gifts. For example, Lina was now the proud owner of walrus-shaped salt and pepper shakers. She couldn't quite figure out why they felt so heavy, despite not being filled with spice yet.

In return to those shakers, she found a incredibly ugly vase. It was sage green and small peacocks adorned the outside. Sometimes she'd throw in a thoughtful gift-there was a chocolate festival outside palace grounds recently, and Lina scooped a few boxes, remembering that Xellos seemed to enjoy sweet treats. It's only polite: he did give her a dragon's egg, after all.

It was a cold, dreary day when Lina found herself outside on the balcony. The low clouds overhead looked as if they were about to burst with snow, but for now, it was just bitterly cold.

Lina actually didn't mind the cold too much. She was bundled up, and it was better than just sitting in her room all day. It reminded her of childhood back in Zephilia in which she would eagerly await the arrival of snow. She-who-must-not-be-named thought her little sister was ridiculous, sitting outside in the freezing cold waiting for snow. But Lina loved the arrival of the first snowflakes before they piled up on each other and blanketed the world in white.

She closed her eyes, inhaling the cold winter air and opened her eyes to see a certain Monster sitting on the balcony wall, legs dangling, and with his usual wry grin.

"Agh!" she stepped back, "Damnit, Xellos-do you have to sneak up on me like that?"

"It sure is cold outside, Lina," he commented, face unchanging from his grin. Lina realized that he was wearing the outlandish pink scarf she gave him. It looked quite cute, actually. And comfy.

"Well, good thing you have that scarf," she retorted. To that, Xellos laughed, honest-to-goodness laughed. Lina raised an eyebrow.

"That wasn't supposed to be _that_ funny," she said, eyes rolling. She walked up to the balcony's edge, arms crossed underneath her chest. Xellos remained still other than tilting his head in her oncoming direction.

"Why are you still here in Seyruun after all this time, Lina?" he asked casually.

Lina stopped mid-step and glared at him.

"Well-wait, how did you know-wait, nevermind. I know the answer to that. Secret, huh?"

He shrugged. Lina tried to hide her annoyance.

"It doesn't take a high-ranking Monster to figure out Lina Inverse has been laying low," he said a little pointedly, "Your absence is quite noticeable from the Astral Plane, you know."

"I'm just figuring out what to do next," she said, trying to rein in the defensive tone, "If you knew I was in Seyruun, then I don't need to rehash Gourry abandoning me."

"Ah, such a shame," Xellos commented, "But was it really all that surprising?"

Annoyed at the Monster's correct assertion, Lina looked down at the ground. Damn him. Xellos was right, though. In her heart, she had known for a while Gourry would get sick of tagging along with her.

Her eyes were still fixed on the ground when she felt a scarf being roped around her neck. She looked up-Xellos had unraveled part of the scarf from his neck and wrapped part of it around her neck. The scarf now bound them together, of sorts.

"Your weird attempts at infiltrating my personal space don't bother me," she said, a slightly coy smile crossing her face, "I'm not 16 any more, after all." He tugged on the scarf, gently pulling her closer to him.

"And yet no matter your age, you still need chaos," he said quietly. His hand came up to stroke her cheek. Lina's face burned, but not from embarrassment like her younger self would have. He was still sitting on the balcony's edge, his knees now resting gently against her hips after he had drawn her closer. Lina was suddenly very, _very_ aware of their proximity.

She looked up at him, tacitly agreeing with this statement. She _did_ need chaos. This life in Seyruun was supposed to be temporary, just a couple months while she figured out her next steps after Gourry's resignation as her "protector." And here she was, over a year later, still dodging her friends' requests to commit to something permanent, still undecided about what to do next.

Xellos' hand was still on her cheek, rubbing gentle circles with his thumb when something dawned on her. The realization of what his gifts exactly were hit her like a ton of bricks, and she immediately felt stupid for not seeing it before.

"The gifts you've been sending me…" she breathed, "they're magic containers, aren't they? I've heard about using objects to seal especially destructive magic…"

"Bingo," he said, opening his eyes slightly, "I thought you could use some encouragement. Get the skip back in your step."

Lina thought about this-the ugly statues could be broken and release whatever spells laid inside, the whip, that beautiful whip, would surely unleash some sort of horrific spell when in use, and the necklace clearly contained powerful magic given the energy it put off. If she wore the necklace while using the whip? Who knows what spectacular result that would bring!

"But what about the dragon's egg? I had Amelia's cook make me a very nice breakfast." Lina asked. She certainly would've felt it if the dragon's egg contained magic.

"Oh, that," he said lightly, but Lina noticed a trace of a darkness crossing his smile, "It needed to be disposed of, and as I recall, you would cherish any opportunity to dine on dragon cuisine."

Choosing to ignore those implications, Lina snorted a small laugh. At this point in her life, it figured a Monster would be the most remotely thoughtful and remember what she liked.

"And here I was giving you meaningless stuff," she lamented, "My presents don't seem nearly as good now."

"Ah, but I rather like this scarf," he said, face returning to pleasant grin, "And those chocolates. Mmmmm."

She smiled. Of all the people who could make her smile, too. It was then when Lina realized that the sky had finally burst and large, powdery snowflakes were descending. They were starting to pile up on the scarf still around both of their necks, on Xellos' head, and likely hers. She was still aware of his knees against her sides and his hand had dropped from cradling her face to resting in his lap.

Lina realized she had gone from talking about to Gourry to dreaming of all the things she could do with the gifts Xellos had sent her. She looked up at him, the two of them now just silently looking at each other. She felt a pull, a pull she had not felt in a long time. But Xellos?

Ignoring doubts, qualms, and what Amelia and Zel would say, Lina reached up and took Xellos by his collar and pulled him down, bringing her lips to meet his. She smiled against his lips as he let out an inadvertent "nngh?" But he resumed composure quickly, deepening the kiss in return. The scarf that still ensconced the two of them shifted slightly, but she felt him pull the scarf closer, tighter. His hands then made their way to her waist. She found herself not minding one bit as she continued to kiss him, taking his lower lip with hers.

The need for air, however, interrupted them-well, her need, at least. She broke away but kept her face close to his. The snow had really started to stick to his hair and powdered his shoulders and his share of the scarf.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You're not the only one who needs your chaos," he said enigmatically before bending down and burying his head into the warm crook of her neck.

Lina hummed with pleasure and leaned her snow-covered head against his. Yes, she was clearly not the only one.

Amelia and Zel wouldn't be pleased for her to leave Seyruun, but they would survive, she figured.

Time to find out what fun and adventure she could have, even without Gourry by her side.


End file.
